So far I feel like I have been locked up in an institution. The rooms are cold, the people are cold and I swear have are mutes, and I feel like I am going crazy and want it all to end. No I am not talking about a mental asylum, I am talking about college...... again.
Yes I know I have probably beat the subject to death but besides this I barely have anything making me upset now besides my friends. I have survived two weeks of it and last week I didn't really have any major breakdowns. It is a major improvement to say the least but I cannot shake this feeling in the pit of my stomach.....
Am I really doing what is right for me?
To my family and friends..... they would say I was. They would say that I was going to be a model student, that I was the first one to get a scholarship in my family and should graduate in four years. They would say that I would be perfectly fine. They would say that I can do this. But if you really asked me, I still don't think I really am ready for this. I would say that I have too much pressure put on me, I most likely will not live up to their academic standards they have set for me, I can't do this and won't be perfectly fine..... Now this still might be my freshman nerves but what if it is not. What if I really am not ready for this........... What do I do?
No, there is no what if's about this situation people. When I think about it, there is a giant neon sign in my head blinking GO BACK NOW!! YOU AREN'T READY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So do I listen to my friends and family or my conscious? I really don't know but where the hell is Jiminy Cricket right now?! That little guy always knows the right answer.............
So as I am writing this out I am thinking of solutions..
- I go on with college......eventually stop caring
- I go on with college... go crazy and either end up dead or in a mental institution
- I tell my parents my feelings... withdrawal after this semester and take a break
- I tell my parents my feelings.... find an alternative.
- I tell my parents my feelings.... get disowned
- I tell my parents my feelings.... be forced to stay in college
Yeah as far as I can see...... I'm screwed. I guess I need to give it the rest of the semester before I really decide anything. But one thing is for certain, I need to talk to my parents.