Friday, August 24, 2012


*The last post I meant to post like a week ago sorry!*

I have to be dreaming...... cause right now my life is a f***ing nightmare! Confused? Well let me explain.....

You are standing in a house. Everything is dark but it is light enough to where you can see your family. They are going about...doing whatever it is that they do. You try to get their attention.... but they can't hear or see you. You are screaming your head off begging for someone to help you and nobody does anything........ this is what I feel like right now........

As some of you that have kept up with this know.... I just finished my first week of college. And as some of you know...... I wasn't ready for it at all....... And you know what I was right. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS!!!! And the thing is it's not like I haven't told my family, they just won't listen.

I tried talking to my mother about it.... she doesn't believe me and tells me that I have to go. I tell my dad about it.... he says what I am feeling is completely normal for a freshman. I tell my older sister.... she tells me to grow up, grow a pair, and get over it. So yes it really is like I am screaming for help when nobody can hear me.

I mean what I am feeling may be normal, but I don't think its normal to:

  • Break down the night before classes
  • Cry yourself to sleep every single night
  • Feel completely helpless and alone
  • Break down when you try to do the homework. 
That is just the beginning.... But I have come to the conclusion that I CANNOT DO THIS!!!! I just want someone to actually listen to me for once.... 

I honestly think that I have been depressed for a couple of years..... so depression, anxiety, and ADD?....... yeah you can say it..... I'm F****D! Now I am not saying that I am suicidal or anything but some days..... I will admit that the option looks good. One big problem though.... I am to scared to go through with it. And honestly I feel completely alone...... I don't have any friends in any of my classes. I see some friends sometimes but it is rare and I am not very close to them. So yeah I am basically alone. 

Ok I am gonna stop my little pity party for today. So is what I am feeling really normal? Is there anybody out there that was in the same boat as me? Any advice? 


No comments:

Post a Comment